Wednesday, October 23, 2013

200,000 Hits!!!!



I'm sure the 200,000th hit at I Must Be Off! was a Russian spambot. They do love me. I owe a great debt to my Russian spambot followers. Thank you for following my posts so closely, spamskis! And thank you for your übercreative, grammatically incorrect comments!

And then there are the real followers. Thank you to the real people who read my blog and comment. I hope you continue to enjoy my wacky travel anecdotes, my expat author interviews and my gluten-free travel advice. I Must Be Off! began July 27, 2009 with a rather serious post about Alsace. It got 46 hits, which is kind of sad considering yesterday I Must Be Off! got over 800 hits.

And I hope you continue to read my stories published here and there and here. Several have been published recently. If you have a few minutes, you could make a guy happy by going to these places, reading and commenting (where allowed) on these stories, all of which are particular favorites of mine for many reasons:

The Bee at Crack the Spine

At the Deathbed of William Fear: the Wife, the Priest, the Lover and a Dog at Pure Slush

Three Minutes in Harry's Still Life at The View From Here

Beyond the Fences at Flash Frontier

The Raging, Melting Space Between at Apocrypha and Abstractions



Again, thank you for visiting my blog! 

I must be off,
Christopher

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Christopher Allen is the author of Conversations with S. Teri O'Type (a Satire), an episodic adult cartoon about a man struggling with expectations. Allen's award-winning fiction and non-fiction have appeared or are forthcoming in Indiana Review, SmokeLong Quarterly's Best of the First Ten Years anthology, Prime Number Magazine, Crack the Spine, The Best of Every Day Fiction, Pure Slush, Bootsnall Travel and Chicken Soup for the Soul. A finalist at Glimmer Train in 2011, Allen has been nominated for Best of the Net and the Pushcart Prize twice. He is the managing editor of the daily litzine Metazen. Recently, Allen--along with editors Michelle Elvy and Linda Simoni-Wastila--hosted Flash Mob 2013 in celebration of International Flash Fiction Day. 

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

The Last Rays of Summer

Such a poser
Every year around this time, Otto the Bavarian Zookeeper and I go through the same ritual. We begin to say things like "Well, Otto the Bavarian Zookeeper, this weekend will be our last opportunity to go hiking, so we should make the most of it, eh?" or "So, Otto the Bavarian Zookeeper, how about one last hike to finish out the hiking season . . . eh?" And so on.

It's the same for the beer gardens: "Well, Otto the Bavarian Zookeeper, don't you think we should stop by the biergarten and have ribs? It'll probably be our last chance . . . eh?"

We usually squeeze the last drops out of summer until it's bone dry. We often go hiking in November, still trying to call it summer. We're knee-deep in snow somewhere in Austria and still saying, "How sunny it is today!" Hiking is that important.

At the weekend, we were in Zillertal again. Did you know that Zillertal is Austria's busiest tourist/sports destination? And did you know that Zillertal is pretty much dead during the months of October and November? It's between season: perfect for people--Otto and myself--who enjoy thinking they're the only people on earth. Just us and the cows.




A Bovine Stonehenge


And the farmers spreading manure on the fields. Yes, it's quite stinky.

Zillertal is just a couple of hours away from my home, so it's perfect for a weekend hiking trip. Fall is a great time to see this little world in transition. We were lucky that many of the houses still had their flowers, but many people were taking advantage of the good weather to remove the summer flowers on their balconies. It must cost these families thousands of euros each year to keep their balconies so beautiful. Alpbach, where I took the photos below, has won awards for its flowers.



And here are a few more impressions of Zillertal...







Hiking in the fresh, crisp air of fall is how I squeeze the last bits of life out of summer. How do you do it?

Before I go, my story "Three Minutes in Harry's Still Life" was published recently at The View From Here. Thank you to editor Kate Brown! If you have chance to go by and read the story, I'm sure The View From Here would appreciate your visit.

I must be off,
Christopher

_______________________________________________

Christopher Allen is the author of Conversations with S. Teri O'Type (a Satire), an episodic adult cartoon about a man struggling with expectations. Allen's award-winning fiction and non-fiction have appeared or are forthcoming in Indiana Review, SmokeLong Quarterly's Best of the First Ten Years anthology, Prime Number Magazine, The Best of Every Day Fiction, Pure Slush, Bootsnall Travel and Chicken Soup for the Soul. A finalist at Glimmer Train in 2011, Allen has been nominated for Best of the Net and the Pushcart Prize twice. He is the managing editor of the daily litzine Metazen. Recently, Allen--along with editors Michelle Elvy and Linda Simoni-Wastila--hosted Flash Mob 2013 in celebration of International Flash Fiction Day. 





Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Do I really have to pronounce everything correctly when abroad?

How do you react when you hear someone mispronounce a place name or a famous person's name? A few years ago I was hanging around the lobby of the MoMA in NYC waiting for my friends to get their museum fix. As you know, if you've kept up with my travels, I hate museums. Actually, I hate any situation in which I'm forced to trudge behind (large) groups of people: supermarkets, the Nürnberg Christmas market, Oktoberfest.

So I'm hanging, trying not to be touched by anyone, right next to a painting by Miró. It was definitely not this one below. The one I was standing next to was enormous and red. I like blue better, and I can't find a picture of the one I was standing next to anyway. So we'll use this one. It's pretty. And blue. 



So, I'm hanging, not minding my own business of course; I'm watching everybody around me because I enjoy doing that. Out of the crowd come two women. They approach the painting, look at the card with the artist's name and title of the painting, and then one of the women says (with a nasal Ohio dentist's drill accent), "Oh, yes, I know Joan's work. Her paintings are magnificent."

While Joan is indeed pronounced with a jungle J, the name has two syllables and Joan Miró is a man from Spain. Or was. I'm not saying this (entirely) to be a snob about these things. I find them sadly amusing. I'm sure there are hundreds of my own slips I could find sadly amusing as well.

But do you speak up and correct the person? I don't, and I don't think I ever have. Is it bad manners to do so if you can do it in a friendly, helpful tone? Without a smirk or a snigger? Everybody can't know everything. I hardly know much of anything myself.

But I do speak German, and I was in Cologne and Düsseldorf recently. As we were walking along the Rhein promenade, we heard an American's voice behind us (possibly the same dear woman from Ohio above): "Oh look, Bernie. The sign says this is the way to the Dom." She was yelling although Bernie was standing right next to her, and she pronounced Dom like Tom, but it's actually Dom like Rome. See, my instinct as a teacher is to tell her so that she won't keep making herself look silly. Like when she's yelling at her German friends at dinner: "Yes, we saw the Dom. The Dom was so pretty, prettiest Dom we've seen in Yurp." All the while, her German friends are trying to figure out what a Dom (like Tom) is and why she's talking so loudly. Dom, by the way, means dome, the shape of the cathedral's roof, and Dom in German means cathedral.

Have you ever been to Düsseldorf? And did you call it Dusseldorf? Without its umlaut? Did your Dussel rhyme with duffel? The Ü in German gives non-native speakers all kinds of hell. I know. Think of this German letter as the sound you make when you think something is disgusting: ewwww. It's (almost) that simple.

But Düsseldorf is not disgusting, it turns out. This mix of modern and quaint architecture on the Rhein is a great place to visit to get an impression of the modern face of Germany. Here are a few impressions:

The Rheinturm

Gehry Building

Public, free urinals. I actually saw a woman coming out of one. Hmmm.

Of course Düsseldorf has its blocks and blocks of your average European five-storey apartment houses. Outside the tourist areas of most major European cities, you'll probably become confused. You could be anywhere, from Praque to Paris. You might have to look at the shop signs to figure it out.

In my own city of Munich, the most constantly mispronounced place name is Hofbräuhaus, the famous beer hall that every tourist must enter at least once. It's good fun. The food's not bad, nor is the music. The service is hit and miss. Sometimes it's awful beyond imagination (rude, impatient, interminably slow); sometimes it's friendly and quick. But if you're asking directions to the Hofbräuhaus, here's how you pronounce it:

Hof  with the vowel sound in loaf

bräu with the vowel sound in boy

haus just like house

And if you don't have the good sense to drink Paulaner or Andechser or Augustiner beer and you want to know the way to the Löwenbräukeller, here's how you pronounce that (awful) beer:

with the vowel sound and a bit of the R in hurt

wen like ven (the w is pronounced as a v)

bräu with the vowel sound in boy

As you can see, the TV commercials from the 70s misled you here terribly. Löwen actually means lions, and bräu means brew.

How do you feel about this? If you're from a country that enjoys the presence of tourist stampedes, how do you feel about their struggle (or non-struggle) to pronounce your place names?

I must be off,
Christopher

______________________________________________

Christopher Allen is the author of Conversations with S. Teri O'Type (a Satire), an episodic adult cartoon about a man struggling with expectations. Allen's award-winning fiction and non-fiction have appeared or are forthcoming in Indiana Review, SmokeLong Quarterly's Best of the First Ten Years anthology, Prime Number Magazine, The Best of Every Day Fiction, Pure Slush, Bootsnall Travel and Chicken Soup for the Soul. A finalist at Glimmer Train in 2011, Allen has been nominated for Best of the Net and the Pushcart Prize twice. He is the managing editor of the daily litzine Metazen. Recently, Allen--along with editors Michelle Elvy and Linda Simoni-Wastila--hosted Flash Mob 2013 in celebration of International Flash Fiction Day. 


Thursday, October 3, 2013

Indiana Review 1/2 K Prize Results

I'm thrilled that my story "When Susan Died the First Time" was chosen as a finalist in Indiana Review's 1/2 K Prize competition. Writers use that word "thrilled" a lot. I don't use it lightly. Indiana Review is one of the top 50 places to be published in the US, and it's cool.

Indiana Review is doubly cool since they also accepted "When Susan Died the First Time" for publication. When I got the email letting me know that I didn't win the contest, I thought, Huh? The story was a finalist and will be published in Indiana Review! In my book, I won.

Here, though, are the actual winners of the competition. Congratulations to them!

I must be off,
Christopher

________________________________________________________

Christopher Allen is the author of Conversations with S. Teri O'Type (a Satire), an episodic adult cartoon about a man struggling with expectations. Allen's award-winning fiction and non-fiction have appeared or are forthcoming in Indiana Review, SmokeLong Quarterly's Best of the First Ten Years anthology, Prime Number Magazine, The Best of Every Day Fiction, Pure Slush, Bootsnall Travel and Chicken Soup for the Soul. A finalist at Glimmer Train in 2011, Allen has been nominated for Best of the Net and the Pushcart Prize twice. He is the managing editor of the daily litzine Metazen. Recently, Allen--along with editors Michelle Elvy and Linda Simoni-Wastila--hosted Flash Mob 2013 in celebration of International Flash Fiction Day.