I Must Be Off! Web Home of Writer Christopher Allen

My Year in Stories -- 2011 Reloaded

2012-01-22T10:19:00.000-08:00

First, if you kept up with my stories in 2011, bless you. Really. I appreciate the encouragement. With 2011 behind us, it's time to start looking back. Instead of running through my year's stories chronologically, I'm going to start with my favorites. The links to the stories are at the very end of the post (please click on them and give these litzines some love). 2011 was almost wonderful in so many almost wonderful ways. I totally turned my back on the novels I've been working on for the last who-knows-how-long and turned my attention to flash fiction or at least very short fiction--with one gleaming ornithological exception.

Sprayed on a wall along the Thames Path, London

My story "The Birds of North Carolina" was a finalist at Glimmer Train in April, which means the story remains unpublished and therefore under consideration at a couple of dream markets. The story is about a woman who has taught her family to ignore her cries for help. Of course I'll keep you up to date (read you'll hear me screaming) if it's accepted.

In September, "The Shoes, the Girl and the Waves that Washed Them Away" led a brilliant pack of writers (only because my last name starts with A) at Blue Five Notebook. Thank you, Michelle Elvy and Sam Rasnake! The story is an exploration of choices and an essay in surrealism. I'm very grateful to the editors for nominating this story for the Pushcart Prize. It goes without saying that I'm over the moon about the nomination!

In April, I posted "The Pain Taster" at Kaffe in Katmandu. The story is about a voyeur obsessed with a woman's pain--like a wine-taster dissects the nuances of a mature Shiraz. Later in the year, I posted the story on Fictionaut, where it was fortunate to get good feedback. Then one night in early October, I sent it to Robert Vaughan's Flash Fiction Friday radio show, and it was accepted. Robert Vaughan's reading of my story is certainly a high point of my year in stories. To read or listen to this story click on the links at the end of this post.

©Jennifer Noel Bower

"Husk of Hare" found its way home to Jessie Carty's Referential Magazine in July. I began writing this story in Berlin, and I remember that most of it came to me as I was on a treadmill at the gym. As it took its fairy tale shape, I couldn't stop thinking that Jennifer Noel Bower should draw the art to accompany it. And then Marcus Speh said he wanted to read it. In the end, thanks to the collaboration of these two incredibly talented people, my odd--and quite dark--little story became something bigger than itself. To read this story click on the link at the end of the post.

Thank you, Matt Potter, for accepting "The Number 4"--one of those stories that happens in a few minutes. I've always wanted to be the number 4. It's always been my number. This story is a simple, surreal exploration of Randall's choices. If Randall could be anything, he'd be the number 4. The story was born in May and lives at Pure Slush, later at Fictionaut and then finally at Kaffe in Katmandu. To read this story click on . . . don't tell me to shut up!

Also at Pure Slush, "A Garden of Knives and Sugar" appears coupled with Katrina Gray's "Bantu". I'm especially proud of this duet. Would you like to know why? Yes? Apart from working with Katrina Gray? Well, when I read the last paragraph of my story to my mother, she said, "Oh, wow. That's really really good." My mother is a writer herself, and she has no problem giving me honest criticism. When she says something is good, she means it. To read this really really good--Thank you, Mom!--story, click on the link at the end of the post.

In April--April was a full month--"Nothing Between Us" was included among a great list of writers at Wilderness House Literary Review. I have to give credit to an editor at Necessary Fiction for rejecting the story and telling me why. Her feedback helped me improve the story. And of course thank you, Susan Tepper, for accepting it and publishing it at WHLR!

In May, I squeaked in to the last round of 52|250 – A Year of Flash with "Three-handed Bridge". Thank you, Michelle Elvy for kicking my butt and urging me to contribute. It made sense for me to contribute this micro. In October this year, Susan Tepper used the story for her Monday Chat with me.

"The Language" was published at The Recusant, a politically radical ezine. At 2600 words, it's longer than several of my other stories put together--so it doesn't get read as much. When someone reads it and comments on it at Fictionaut, I'm always chuffed--so if you want to get me all chuffed, click on that link at the bottom of this post.

On December 1 "Pru in the Dimple of the Broad-smiling Boy" became part of Gone Lawn's Issue 6. The story is about a soul's relationship to its boy. When the story is published, I'll let you know in a separate post. Thank you, Alana I. Capria, for accepting the story and Pru in her need to be heard.

In February Jessie Carty published "Dale's Last Dance" at Referential Magazine. Thank you to all the people who commented on the story. It's humor involving elderly people in a nursing home. Who really knows if this kind of humor will work? I hope it did this time. Thank you to all the people who left such encouraging comments. Only after I named the story did I discover that there's a song with the same title. Oops. Um, link. Bottom. Of post.

Another humorous story--this time about a guy who prefers showers to baths, was published at The Legendary: "The Dirty Parts." I'm so glad the editors liked this story. It's so hard to sell humor.

"Inferno"by Meg Tuite's Exquisite Quartet, a collaboration with Meg Tuite, Sam Rasnake and Amber Sparks. You can read it at Used Furniture Review (link below, as if I needed to remind you).

My story "The Orangery" first appeared at Every Day Fiction in 2010 and has now been included in The Best of Every Day Fiction Three--but more fantastically, the story is read regularly in the course Creating Great Characters at NYU's school of Continuing and Professional Studies! When the teacher of the course sends me a mail telling me how positively the students react, it always makes my day. A footnote since I started writing this post: the teacher has now started reading my other stories. The Pain Taster, The Number Four and Husk of Hare. Thank you!

I write creative non-fiction as well. My story, "When the Body Knows Best," which Chicken Soup for the Soul renamed "Listening to My Body," was supposed to come out in the book Shaping the New You in December 2010. The book, with foreword by Richard Simmons, didn't actually hit the street until 2011. Chicken Soup for the Soul pays hundreds of dollars for a story, so THANK YOU, Chicken Soup! And thank you also for the wonderful feeling of walking into a bookstore in Vancouver or Singapore or Nashville and finding my byline. OK OK, I moved this one in Whistler, British Columbia to No. 1.

Also published in 2011...

"An Innocent E-Visa Fiasco" at Airplane Reading
"The Rising" at Kaffe in Katmandu
"Three Conversations with Steven the Optimist(ic Therapist)." Originally at HOUSEFIRE, but you can read it at Fictionaut as well.
"Freedom Can Wait." Originally at HOUSEFIRE, but you can also read this one at Fictionaut. The story has been chosen to be part of the Best of HOUSEFIRE Year One.
"...and Counting" at EDF
"1975, What I Wanted" at Fictionaut
"Sentimental Me" also at Fictionaut
"The Readers in Car 103" republished by TrainWrite, previously published at Flash Fire 500.

Last but certainly not least is my story "A Simple Recipe" in the 2011 Writers Abroad Anthology Foreign Flavours. All proceeds from the anthology are going to The Book Bus, a registered charity whose mission it is to increase child literacy in Latin America and Africa. The anthology is a mix of fiction and non-fiction all related to exotic food. I think it's something unique. The book even includes 33 recipes. If you enjoy reading about food, and you want to support The Book Bus, Foreign Flavours would be a great Christmas gift to yourself--or to twelve of your friends!

Well, I hope you've made it to the end with me. Again, if you followed my stories all year, I want to kiss you all over--figuratively (don't get any ideas).

I must be off,
Christopher

Links to the stories:

Husk of Hare with art by Jennifer Noel Bower and audio by Marcus Speh at Referential Magazine
The Pain Taster at Kaffe in Katmandu, read by Robert Vaughan on Flash Fiction Friday
The Number Four at Pure Slush, Fictionaut and Kaffe in Katmandu.
A Garden of Knives and Sugar with counterpoint "Bantu" by Katrina Gray at Pure Slush
The Shoes, the Girl and the Waves that Washed Them Away at Blue Five Notebook Series and nominated for the Pushcart Prize
Nothing Between Us at Wildnerness House Literary Review
Three-handed Bridge at 52l520 a Year in Flash and Monday Chat at Fictionaut with Susan Tepper

The Language at The Recusant
Dale's Last Dance at Referential Magazine
Pru in the Dimple of the Broad-smiling Boy at Gone Lawn (Winter Issue 6)
The Dirty Parts at The Legendary
Inferno at Used Furniture Review, collaboration with Meg Tuite, Amber Sparks and Sam Rasnake
The Orangery in The Best of Every Day Fiction Three
Listening to My Body in Chicken Soup for the Soul, Shaping the New You
An Innocent E-Visa Fiasco at Airplane Reading
The Rising, a micro at Kaffe in Katmandu
Three Conversations with Steven the Optimist(ic Therapist) at Fictionaut
Freedom Can Wait at Fictionaut
...and Counting at EDF
1975, What I Wanted at Fictionaut
Sentimental Me at Fictionaut
The Readers in Car 103 at TrainWrite previously published at Flash Fire 500
A Simple Recipe in Foreign Flavours, a charity anthology benefiting The Book Bus from Writers Abroad

A New Year, A New Story

2012-01-20T10:20:00.000-08:00

We've made it another year, and we're all prettier. My shoulder is feeling a bit better and I'm one wisdom tooth lighter (although the swelling is just now going down). I'd like to welcome each and every one of you to 2012. It's going to be a beautiful, juicy year.

For me 2012 has started with a "Best Ezine Editor" nomination. Yay! As I'm writing this, I'm in second place. Second place is OK, but I'm striving for number ONE. If you haven't voted, please do. Pleeeeeeaaassseeeee. All you have to do is....

1. Click on the link at the end of this instruction, scroll down to Christopher Allen, click on me (it's like tickling me but less creepy);
2. Enter your name and your email address, then enter the Captcha security phrase (may take a couple of tries);
3. Finalize your vote by clicking on the link Preditors and Editors sends you via email.

Here's the link: Preditors and Editors Voting Page Thank you!

The second amazing thing to happen for me and 46 other incredible authors, including Robert Vaughan, Sara Lippmann, Kathy Fish, Len Kuntz, Sheldon Lee Compton, Ethel Rohan, Meg Tuite, Amber Sparks and Gill Hoffs among so many others that I really love, so I'll just stop . . . is . . .

STRIPPED, a Collection of Anonymous Flash,which you can buy from Amazon or Lulu.

Thank you to editor Nicole Scarpato Monaghan. Our bios are included, but they're not specific to any story. I love this "stripped" concept. I hope you think I write like any of the writers above. That would make me so much prettier.

I found out today that my copies are waiting at the DSL station, and the DSL station is already closed--so I have to wait until Monday.

I also have a new darkly comedic story up at Near to the Knuckle.

Happy New Year to all of you!

I must be off,
Christopher

Christopher Allen -- English as a Foreign Language

2012-01-20T07:43:00.000-08:00

Something you may not have known about me: I teach EFL. Yes, I do. And I've taught English as a Foreign Language for the last 16 years. How time flies when you're drilling the irregular verbs, I know.

I came to Germany on June 1, 1995, and for the first ten years--with the exception of old Alf reruns--I had no access to American TV. I didn't have CNN or MTV or SNL. I lost touch with Friends; actually to be honest I had never been in touch with Friends before I left the US, so it would be more accurate to say that I met new friends in, I think, 2007--long after my new friends had stopped being Friends. Until 2010 I had never seen Friends in English. In fact, I'd never seen Sex and the City in English. I'd never SEEN 30 Rock or any of the other sit-coms that came out after 1995. The result: I was losing what I think Americans would today call my Sit-com Swagger Lingo Thang (or probably not). I'm useless when it comes to talking the talk.

The first indication that I was losing my grip on American humor came in 1999 when I was in LA visiting a couple of then-acquaintances I've never heard from since. The evening was stunning. Their home was stunning. The food was stunning. The word stunning was stunning and used stunningly often. And then suddenly out of nowhere someone looked at me and said, "Who's your daddy?" I replied, "Joe, sometimes we call him Slow Joe . . . why?" And everyone rolled about the marble terrace convulsing with laughter. Apparently, the phrase "Who's your daddy?" meant something in terms of American pop culture--and all at once I was no longer entirely American. I still don't know the answer to the question. Who is this daddy and how did he become mine?

The second wake-up call was the phrase "It's all good." How can that be? I am a firm believer in tempering the good with the bad. Balance is so important. If something is utterly, wholly good, the universe is no longer right for me. When I made my first attempts at expressing this idea--around 2008 I think--I would say something like, "No worries, um, dude. It's like 98 percent good." This reaped only confused looks and patronizing smiles. Chris is sweet, but he's totally lost touch. Like 100 percent lost touch, dude.

Not long ago, I started hearing my American friends using the phrase "not so much" to indicate that one alternative was far inferior to another. I thought I was on top of this one. I really did. I even used it once or twice before the icky feeling set in. And then about a month ago, I heard Rachel say it in an episode that aired probably in 1998. (I have British TV now, and they play reruns of Friends on Channel 4.) So all my friends had been on top of this catchphrase for a long long time. And Chris? Not so much.

There are so many more examples, but I'll end with just two more. A few years ago, I was talking to a then-friend on the telephone. I forget what we were talking about, but at one point I wanted to thank him for something--probably reading something I had written--so I said, "____, you rock my universe." His response was "The phrase is 'You rock my world.'" "Yes, I know," I said. "I just wanted to take it up a notch. Ha ha. You know, bring a bit of creativity to the world of catchphrases. Ha ha." Silence. Apparently, one is not to screw around with the sanctity of the catchphrase.

Since I became aware of my American catchphrase deficiencies, I've thrust my shoulder to the grindstone--maybe that's why it's injured?--to remain pop-culturally literate. Yet even with all my efforts, phrases still elude me. A year ago, I was talking to a friend in the US about one of my harebrained life philosophies, and she said, "So how's that working for you?" I replied with a treatise on how it was indeed working for me, unaware that she was suggesting to me (so much for being pop-culturally literate) that she thought I--and my dumb philosophy--was stupid.

But now all is well. It's almost 100 percent good. I have British TV (still can't say "Simples!" and cluck like the commercial Meerkat, but I'm working on it), Facebook, Twitter and YouTube. The list goes on and on.

I must be off,
Christopher

Lost in Translation -- >Language >Place Blog Carnival Edition 13

2012-01-16T04:13:00.000-08:00

The >Language >Place Blog Carnival is all about language and how humorous or just plain hard it is to understand when it's foreign. For my post on the theme of "Lost in Translation" I've chosen the foreign language of English. Having lived in Germany for almost 17 years now, English has in many ways become foreign to me. Others have chosen to interpret the theme in various ways--some humorous, some not. Click on any of the pictures in the parade of posts and READ MORE if you want to win pretty points.

Linda Evan Hofke -- You Walk Me on the Cookie!

In one of my older posts (What Did You Say?) from March I wrote about the troubles of travelling to a country where one doesn't speak the language. At the end of the post I shared an embarrassing moment that happened to me shortly after moving to Germany.

To give you my own example, when I first starting teaching English, I knew very little German. One night in class I brought a snack and knowing that some of the participants are very health conscious I tried to explain that there were no artificial sweeteners or preservatives. I knew the word for sweeteners but not preservatives and it wasn't in my book, so I said in a German accent “No sugar and no--preservatives?” Everyone started laughing and said “I hope not.”

READ MORE

Hart Johnson -- What's So Funny?

Y'all know I am dark, mysterious and edgy, right? Some of you are even scared of me, yeah? No? Come on. Not even a little scared? You KNOW that is my goal in life! That and sexy and sleek... *nods*

My aspirations to be quirky and strange are... well... sort of the leftover result when I can't control myself? The result of not quite hitting that dark mysterious thing, so here I am, naked and awkward? But being me, I am practical and so thought, FINE. I will work with that. See... I don't MEAN to be funny. But the word is I am... And I guess if I can't be edgy and beautiful, funny is a pretty good alternative.

READ MORE

Angela Williams -- Lost in Translation

‘I’m sorry Miss, I have to leave class early today. I’m going soliciting.’ Although we were in Amsterdam and the Dutch are a broadminded lot, I was pretty sure that my English-language student wasn’t heading towards the red light district. It was another case of False Friends – an English word that looks similar to a Dutch word but with a totally different meaning. She was seeking work and going for a job interview, the Dutch verb for which is, soliciteren. I explained to her what she’d said and we all had a good laugh about it. Fortunately, the Dutch have a great sense of humour and don’t take themselves very seriously.

READ MORE

(Writers Abroad is a password protected site, so if you'd like to leave a comment, you can come back here and leave one.)

M.J. Nicholls -- Come Ride My Elephant

I struggled with this ‘language’ prompt for several weeks—all good writing to me makes language intrinsic to its purpose, how could it do otherwise? Then I thought about amusing misunderstandings had with people from different countries. None. All the people I’ve met from Italy, France, Africa, America, even Wales, have spoken clearly and without fault. My own incompetence with identifying accents is slightly amusing—I once mistook an Englishman for an American (hahaha) and corrected a French Jehovah’s Witness’s grammar for a ten minutes (hahaha—priceless!) OK. Not that funny.

Instead, this post is about unspoken languages, conversations we have with people in our heads that comprise an entirely subconscious system of communication conducted with ourselves that we hope other people might share and respond to via telepathic intuition. This will make sense as the piece progresses, I hope. If not, think bad things about me.

READ MORE

Dorothee Lang -- Three Cups of Chai

Some warned me that Varanasi, the holy city at the river Ganges, would be terribly dirty. Others said it is a magic place. What I wasn't prepared for, though, were the tea misunderstandings that happened there. Here's what happened: Three Cups of Chai.

READ MORE

Kris Brummet -- Dear Santa, I want the iMan . . . with APPs

My Dad asked me this year what I wanted for Christmas. I said, “a man.” He gave me an iPad. He gave me an iPad with the sole intention of having the ability to Skype with me. OH THE HORRORS. He calls me every Sunday. Don’t get me wrong. I love the Sunday phone calls, but I often look like I’ve been pulled out of the muck of some city sewer on Sunday. The first time he says, “you look like shit,” the Skype deal is O-V-E-R.

READ MORE

Laurie Kolp -- Have you Heard Anything Funny Lately?

Conversations can be so ludicrous sometimes, don't you agree? I've had some humdingers I'd like to share with you. Grab a chair and take a seat; let's talk.

The first conversation took place at a business dinner Pete and I had with another couple. None of us had ever met except for Pete and the other man. I don't remember how we got onto talking about deviated septums and sinus surgery, but that's what was buzzing at our table when Pete said he couldn't smell anything as a result of his turbinates being zapped ten years ago.

READ MORE

Marcus Speh -- appealing to angels: a london travelogue

went to london last week where i lived for ten years until after our daughter was born & where i hadn’t been in four years. walked a lot. noticed how much fuller the city seemed though i have no idea how that’s possible. how many more people can you squeeze into this town? no more tower records on picadilly circus, but instead another soulless mega clothing store. how many clothes can you sell to people who’re already clothed?

READ MORE

Robin Graham -- The Return of K

We’re in the living room. Laptopping.

K is browsing fashion sites and I am doing an obsessive compulsive circuit of my usual haunts; making sure things are alright on the social networks, repeatedly. If you add enough of them to your armoury then by the time you’ve checked them all it can seem worth popping back to the first, in case anything has happened there in the meantime. And then the second…

READ MORE

Michelle Elvy -- You Say Arugula, I Say Lettuce

I was surprised when Carrie called. We hadn’t seen each other in years. We’d been high-school friends, sure — the kind you don’t expect to see again after you’ve been pomp-and-circumstanced down the school stadium steps and the last D-Major chord has drifted out on the breeze. But I’d just had my first baby and she’d had her second, so she called for a mommy’s lunch.

At the upscale yuppy café (“my fave,” she gushed), I ordered a baked stuffed potato (the closest thing to real food on offer) while she drank protein-vitamin-water and pushed sprigs of delicately arranged arugula around her plate.

READ MORE

Christopher Allen -- English as a Foreign Language

Something you may not have known about me: I teach EFL. Yes, I do. And I've taught English as a Foreign Language for the last 16 years. How time flies when you're drilling the irregular verbs, I know.

I came to Germany on June 1, 1995, and for the first ten years--with the exception of old Alf reruns--I had no access to American TV. I didn't have CNN or MTV or SNL. I lost touch with Friends; actually to be honest I had never been in touch with Friends before I left the US, so it would be more accurate to say that I met new friends in, I think, 2007--long after my new friends had stopped being Friends.

READ MORE

Andrea Spirov -- Picking up Palabras

¡Hola! ¿Cómo está?

These were the first words I learned in Spanish. All last year I promised myself that once the wedding madness was over, I was going to treat myself to an intensive language course. I registered online for a class, only to be left hanging at the last minute because the school didn’t attract the minimum numbers to run with it. It was too late to enrol in another one.

READ MORE

Cathy Douglas -- One Word of German I Know

I don’t really like to travel. The older I get, the less I like it. It’s not so much about the airports and gross food and unfamiliar bedding; it’s more about dropping all my projects for whatever length of time. I’m interested in what I’m doing right here, right now. I don’t need adventures.Of course that’s not true–everybody needs adventures. Getting lost has always been my specialty.

READ MORE

Nine -- Gumboot

Cobwebs are everywhere here, and spiders with ugly bodies and long legs. They hang curled up like closed umbrellas, then reanimate to trek across walls and blankets. The house is a rickety old thing that sits on a hill. The door is never locked. When the big earthquake comes, I don’t fancy this place’s chances, but last week’s shaking and rumbling didn’t bother me. Maybe I adapt too easily to my surroundings. The people who live here find the earthquakes scary.

READ MORE

Kate McCahill -- The Phone Store

I knew when I boarded the bus that I would have no luck at the phone store. Every time, it’s been the same: they tell me to come back later, it will be ready by Sunday, it will be ready by Tuesday. I bought a phone in Guatemala, you see, and for it to work here, the band needs to be opened. Whatever that means. So a kind friend takes me to the phone store the first time, because she, too, had to open the band on her phone. They tell us to come back later, and so the next time I return by myself.

READ MORE

(Kate's site is a password protected site, so if you'd like to leave a comment please come back and leave one here.)

Brandon Graham -- A Variety of Hand Gestures Related to Agents' Responses

This symbol ☞ is a printer's mark, called a manicule (from the Latin root 'manus' for 'hand') or printer's fist. Though less common today, it was regularly used between the 12th and 18th centuries, hand drawn in the margins of books, and was formerly included in lists of standard punctuation marks. Today it's used primarily as a bullet point in documents, or as a graphic compositional element. I've spent some time looking at old manuscripts at the in Chicago's very lovely Newberry Library and was interested in the variety and style of the loose interpretations of the mark by various artists (mostly monks). My brain brought these marks back over the past week as I received my first several responses from literary agents.

READ MORE

Austin Wood -- Sentence Mining

I’m currently four days into my first 30 day trial – to create at least 10 flashcards a day using the sentence mining technique. I didn’t have any problem making 10 flash cards on Thursday. I’m currently taking private Russian lessons in Petrozavodsk so I pulled my sentences from the worksheets and notes that had accumulated since I started taking lessons four days ago.

Friday was a little more difficult because I only had one day’s worth of lesson material to mine for sentences. Six sentences came from that material and the rest came from random stuff I had lying around, such as the paperwork from the cellphone I bought at the airport and a newspaper I found on the kitchen table.

READ MORE

Steven Wing -- Punctuality

During one of our first journeys in Mexico, I was reminded many times of things I had read about the lack of punctuality there. Here's a sample:

"Mexicans have many traits to admire: their enterprise, their ability to make do, to endure and to enjoy life. Punctuality, though, is nowhere on the list for most of them. The Aztecs may have cared enough about time to carve their famous stone calendar, but you wonder sometimes if people here are relying on it to get through the day . . . .

READ MORE

Sheree Mack -- The Golden Season

The Golden Season

Early morning, a fresh nip in the air.
The smell of raindrops.
The suns gives out a gentle warmth
as nature wakes up from the long
lazy days of summer, getting ready
for the long sleep of winter.

READ MORE

Edition #14 will be hosted by writer and poet Stella Pierides. Stella lives in Germany and England. She blogs HERE and tweets at @stellapierides. In the past couple of years Stella has developed a soft spot for haiku and has had work published in Contemporary Haibun Online, A Hundred Gourds, tiny words, Sketchbook, 140 and Counting, Mainichi Haiku in English, Asahi Haikuist Network, and elsewhere. She has co-edited and contributed to Even Paranoids Have Enemies (Routledge), and Beyond Madness (JKP).

The feature theme for Edition #14 is "Locating the Senses in Language / Place".

READ GUIDELINES

I must be off,
Christopher

Thank you!

2012-01-12T07:39:00.000-08:00

Today I feel as if I've had a nice pat on the back, exactly at that spot where my shoulder has been causing me so much trouble the last few months. This morning I woke up to the Official Final Results of the Preditors & Editors* Readers Poll "best ezine editor" category.

We managed to take first place after all! Thank you to everyone who voted. It was so close that I had no idea if it would be enough in the end. And for those of you who have absolutely no idea what I'm referring to, I also co-edit Metazen with six other hard-working editors, including of course Frank Hinton, the mysterious creator of Metazen.

And congratulations to the editors Matt Potter, David Barber and Michelle Elvy (who, I guess I can say it now, I nominated! You're great, Michelle!). They all made it into the top 10. You're all more deserving than I am.

Again, thank you to everyone who took the time to vote for me or any of the editors above!

Now to the future: The next two weeks, I Must Be Off! is going to be transformed into the >Language >Place Blog Carnival, so don't be shocked if the place looks very different for a while. There's going to be a parade of links to blogs, to old friends, to new friends. You'll see. I hope you'll stop by and see what's up.

I must be off,
Christopher

*Preditors & Editors is a site that offers helpful information to writers, often at the risk of being sued.

And the Nominees are . . .

2011-12-30T10:28:00.000-08:00

I love this time of year. Don't you? No, not the holidays--although of course I love the holidays; who doesn't love the holidays? NeuroticScroogeGrinch. It's the frenzied nomination period that I love. Earlier this month I was nominated for a Pushcart Prize for my story "The Shoes, the Girl and the Waves that Washed Them Away". If you haven't already, please stop by Blue Five Notebook Series and give them some click-love.

Today I've been nominated for "best ezine editor" in the Preditors and Editors Reader Poll. At Metazen, I share this job with six other editors, most of whom have the same cross to bear: rejecting a lot of writers who've put their heart into a text. I know how it is of course. No writer loves rejection. I am a writer therefore I hate rejection.

I try to give every writer the right advice. Sometimes the piece is entertaining or well written but ultimately not for us. Sometimes the piece just isn't ready, and I tell the writer to come back with more--but be ready. I feel comfortable being honest because I appreciate the honesty of other editors. Why would I want to publish a story if the editor doesn't feel it's there yet? The editor is doing me a favor. So here's to all the editors who have rejected my stories and told me why.

Then there are those writers whom I love. Everything they write is golden, so I'm happy to correct their spelling--God knows editors have done the same for me. So here's to all the editors who've corrected my spelling: Matt Potter . . . um . . . um. OK: Matt Potter. I think I was channeling a really stupid character in that story, though. Sorry, Matt!

Matt Potter has also been nominated, and he certainly deserves it. Michelle Elvy has proved herself again and again as an editor. She's GOLDEN. And then David Barber from Flash Fiction Offensive. All editors who do a full-time job for NO PAY. I'm honored to be nominated among them.

If you want to vote and comment, here's the link: Preditors and Editors Readers Poll Voting Page

I must be off,
Christopher :)

Flying Home for the Holidays

2011-12-15T12:20:00.000-08:00

I'm packing. Not much, since I have clothes, mouthwash and reading material at my parents'. In fact, let's say I'm not packing. All I need is my passport, my e-ticket and my wallet. The carry-on bag is just for show. It's good that it's so light, though: Due to my shoulder injury, I can't lift anything heavier than a toothpick over my head. Why I would want to lift a toothpick over my head, I don't know.

Since the 2009 United Airlines fiasco with my luggage, I don't travel to the US with checked bags. My carry-on bag weighs about one pound and contains 1) a Mackinac Island hoodie, 2) my toiletries and 3) a Christmas present for my parents from my mother-out-law.

Storms are forecast for Munich tomorrow, so I hope all goes as planned. But you know, when it comes to travel, you simply have to roll with the punches, be inventive, stay calm and carry on.

Speaking of rolling with the punches, have a look at An Innocent E-Visa Fiasco, published yesterday by Airplane Reading.

Shoulder mending. Slowly.

I must be off,
Christopher

Pain is the Uncle of Invention

2011-12-11T02:37:00.001-08:00

Hi Pretty IMBO readers! We've worked out a way for me to continue myblog while

my shoulder is healing. I can't work two-handed on the computer, but Ican write long-hand with my right hand.. Everything I write for the next coupleof months will be transcribed by a text recognition program.

This is my first test. So I hope my recognition program understands me!

I must be off,

Christopher

Pain in the Rotator Cuff of the Broad-Smiling Boy

2011-12-07T12:56:00.001-08:00

Who would have known writing a blog post could be painful? Right now--so I won't forget this in ten years--writing this blog post is shooting waves of pain through my collarbone. I just rubbed my neck muscles for a few minutes to ease the pain, but as soon as I started writing again, the pain started back. My doctor has told me that I need to stop using the computer for THREE MONTHS. I've had an inflamed rotator cuff for the last two months, and it's not going away quickly enough. The doctor wants me to completely rest my left shoulder--with the exception of the prescribed exercises from my physical therapist, Brigitte (sweet woman). I'm devastated. But I'm also in so much pain. Today, a woman brushed by me on the tram, pushing roughly against my shoulder. I fell to the floor--screaming in pain. It was truly embarrassing, so I'm not sure why I'm sharing it here. A man asked me if I needed a doctor. I told him I already had several.

This might be the last blog post I write for a while--which is depressing. I enjoy this blog. I Must Be Off! is my life in a nutshell.

I promised to let people know about the publication of "Pru in the Dimple of the Broad-Smiling Boy" at Gone Lawn Journal. It's out now. I hope you'll stop by Gone Lawn and read the story.

I must be off,
Christopher

Expat Author Interview with Alyson Hilbourne

2011-11-27T01:08:00.001-08:00

Alyson Hilbourne

Alyson Hilbourne, born inthe UK, has lived overseas for twenty-five years and is now into her sixthcountry, Japan – Yokohama to be precise. She writes short stories, young adultfiction and travel pieces but would love to find the time and the enthusiasm tocomplete a full-length novel. And she's a diver!

IMBO: Alyson! Welcometo I Must Be Off! I know only how to say Siranara in Japanese, so I’ll savethat for the end. Why Japan?

Hilbourne: I don’t mind where I live, but warm is one ofmy main criteria. Unfortunately, my husband rather fancied Japan, so we are going to experience winter for the first time in eight years. I’m also about to bereintroduced to skiing this Christmas after about 17 years. This may be a mistake.

Besides writing, at the moment I work in learningsupport in an international school, where my husband is a maths teacher. I likehelping children with literacy, it gives you a huge adrenalin rush if you’vehelped a child understand something they were having trouble with. OccasionallyI have to help with maths and that is not so good for the world. I am trainedto teach English to adults. I have a love of language and words.

IMBO: Tell us about your writing.

Hilbourne: I write mostly short stories. A couple of youngadult novels are lurking at the back of my computer, but success is a greatinducement and my success has come with short stories. I also find I don’t havethe time to devote to things that take longer.

I also write for a travel website: short descriptionsof attractions, restaurants etc in the places we live. It is a good incentiveto go out and explore and has provided a regular small income over the years.

Takayama, Japan

IMBO: What inspires you?

Hilbourne: Besides writing – I love travelling. I’ve justbeen to Takayama, an old Japanese town with traditional wooden buildings datingback nearly five hundred years in some cases. With the leaves turning colour itwas all very scenic. I also love diving. I could happily live on a beach or aboat and just fall into the water and dive or snorkel all day.

IMBO: How has being an expat affected what, andthe way, you write?

Hilbourne: I don’t think it has much, I’m afraid,except for the travel writing which is a little different. My stories couldmostly be set anywhere and on the whole I think of as English. I don’t use thecountries I live in as backgrounds. I write more about people and theirfeelings and emotions, and short stories don’t have so much scope for settings.

Being abroad however has widened my reading hugely.I read books from the countries we live in, and expat friends tell me aboutfavourite writers from their own countries so I read a wide range of literaturefrom around the world.

IMBO: Let’s say you’ve just boarded atransatlantic flight. As you make your way to your seat, adrenaline shoots through your chest. You’ve dreamt about this moment with thisperson for years. He/she is sitting in the seat next to yours. Who is it and,assuming you get the nerve up, what will you talk about—for nine hours?

Hilbourne: This would seriously be my worst nightmare! Ihate flying and the best thing for me is to disappear into a good book and belost for most of the flight. Someone who wants to talk drives me todistraction. Give me a new novel by William Boyd or Kate Atkinson and I’d bemuch happier than if they were sitting next to me!

IMBO: Care to share some of your work with us?

Hilbourne: "Aliens" is a winning story with WyvernPublishing in their 2011 short story competition. I like the idea of writing for youngadults – I like reading YA fiction too. I’m very interested in playing withemotions and how people react to things. I also like fantasy, so there is oftenan element of supernatural or unreal in my stories.

I’ve also just had a story published in Fangtales – an anthology published byWyvern Publishing. It is available from Amazon.co.uk and Amazon.com. This is another YAstory, although more lighthearted than the first one. The brief for this storywas a vampire tale. I found that a hard brief with a straight face – I usuallywrite about people being afraid of something that comes from within themselves– so my story is written slightly tongue in cheek. My heroine, a vampire, islooking for a mate and is unsure what to put in the hobbies column.“Bloodsports?” suggests her friend.

I’ve also recently been published by Pill HillPress in their anthology Big Book of NewShort Horror.

IMBO: And something by another expat author?

Hilbourne: I’m not always aware of things I read beingby expats particularly, but being part of Writers Abroad, an online site forexpat writers, and part of their 2011 anthology has been a great experience.All the writers included in Foreign Flavours are, or have been, expats and the variety in the writing isamazing. Two stories that stick in my mind are Jany Gräf’s “SchnitzeltopfSaga”, a wry story of people coming to visit and preparing her special dish,and Helen Watson’s “Cycling the Potato Road”.

IMBO: Ever get homesick? Has your concept of homechanged since you’ve been an expat?

Hilbourne: I am always homesick, each time we move.Once the initial euphoria of a new place has worn off, I start rememberinglittle things about the last place we lived (having conveniently forgotten allthe things that annoyed me). At the moment I’m remembering how nice and warmBangkok is (and forgetting how revoltingly sticky it is too). But really homeis where all our stuff is and that at the moment is Japan. We talk about ‘goinghome’ each summer when we visit England and family, but it isn’t really andafter a frantic tour round the country living out of suitcases and being unableto slob on your own sofa, we are glad to get back to ‘home’. I think it is atthat point after a move that I make the final adjustment and accept where weare living.

_________________________

Alyson, thank you forsharing your writing and your life with the readers of I Must Be Off! I wishyou continued success. Stay safe on those Japanese ski slopes! Siranara!

I must be off,

Christopher

_________________________

Alyson Hilbourne is an expat writer livingin Asia. She writes short stories and travel pieces in her spare time. She hashad ghost/horror stories published by Bridge House Publishing, Pill Hill Pressand Wyvern Publications.

Free Photo Friday -- Nature's Light

2011-11-24T23:07:00.000-08:00

Somewhere in South Dakota. I suppose these are barley fields or wheat--something I can't eat. The earth is blanched and then seared in the background with a line of green in the middle. It wasn't possible to get a picture that showed the grandeur of this place. Miles and miles and miles of pale earth.

This is one of my favorite pictures. I took it in Hamburg at sunset. The sky looks like a canvas against the silhouette of the tower. While the eye is drawn to the sun of course, don't miss that lamppost, which went on as I was taking the picture.

Also one of my favorite pictures, taken in a church in Israel. The way the sun is beaming in directly toward the column signifies divine inspiration to me--and it also reminds me of Stargate for some reason. You too? I have a tender place for Stargate.

Another one of my favorite pictures. I have taken so many "path" pictures (maybe 500 of them). Obviously I love walking, but I also love Nature and observing how the elements of Nature play with one another, strobing shadow and creating the illusion that enlightenment is just ahead. Don't we all hope it is?

Overlooking the bay in Antalya, Turkey. A sparkling backdrop for the a silhouette. When the sea reflects the sun so intensely, everything is in silhouette against it.

Side, Turkey has seen its share of occupation: the Greeks, the Romans, the German tourists. The thing about ruins is, there's just not much left to occupy--but Side is well worth a visit. My camera, reflecting the sun and making a spot of light on the ground, attracted a dog, who followed me around for an hour. He chased the light, pounced on it, and generally entertained everyone.

The sun casting a delirious impressionist's drawing on the floor of a church on the island of Madeira. Have you ever had the special, fortified wine from Madeira? After you finish the bottle, these are the lights you see.

As usual, these photos are yours for the taking. Use them if you want--but if you do, please include a link to my blog.

I must be off,
Christopher

Thanksgiving and a Pushcart Prize Nomination

2011-11-24T12:33:00.001-08:00

When I called my mother this evening to tell her my story "The Shoes, The Girl and the Waves that Washed Them Away" had been nominated for the Pushcart Prize, I expected to interrupt her chopping carrots and whipping sweet potatoes; she was frying sausage. My family was in the middle of a Thanksgiving Breakfast.

"You won?!"

"No, Mom. I was nominated."

"Oh."

"It's a big honor."

"Uh huh." My mother has won prizes herself, so she's not easily impressed. Actually she was really pleased for me. I'm just playing with you.

Thanksgiving is a great day to nominate people for prizes. The Pushcart Prize is given to outstanding stories published by small presses. I'm having a sweet and thankful day, so I want to share it with you. I would also like to share this moment with three writer/friends of mine who were nominated with me. Congratulations, Julie Innis, Sheldon Lee Compton and Bill Yarrow. You are all INCREDIBLE.

If you have a chance, stop by Blue Five Notebook and give Sam Rasnake and Michelle Elvy some love. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

I must be off,
Christopher

London Feeds the 5000

2011-11-22T21:44:00.000-08:00

Feeding the 5000

Did your mother also compel you to eat your broccoli with the phrase, "There's a starving child in Africa who would love to eat my [overcooked] broccoli!" Did you know that nearly 35 million people in the US suffer from food poverty? The number in the European Union is actually higher: 43 million. In the UK alone, with its population of around 60 million, 4 million people do not have the food they need to live a healthy life.

Considering these sobering statistics, you'd think the West had a serious shortage of food. We don't. The UK actually has twice the amount of food it needs to meet the nutritional requirements of its 60 million. The EU has almost three times what it needs, and--hold onto your plate--the US has almost four times the amount of food required to feed 330 million people. Ho ho ho, that's a lot of peas, Jolly Green Giant!

The Jolly Green Giant

Friday on my walk home from London Bridge to Canary Wharf, I took a detour--for uninteresting reasons--and ended up at Trafalgar Square in the middle of the Feeding the 5k event, whose goal it was to feed 5000 people a delicious-looking curry--made completely from food that would have been thrown away--between 12:00 and 14:00. OK, the feat with the loaves and the fishes was just a tad more impressive, yes, but Feeding the 5k had to do it without Jesus. Think about it.

More statistics for you statistiphiles: US households, retailers and food services throw away 40 tons of food every year. UK households throw away a quarter of what they buy. And 20 to 40% of fruit and vegetables in Britain doesn't even reach the supermarkets. Why? Because they're not pretty enough. Feeding the 5k doesn't care how pretty the carrot is or how misshapen the potato is. Actually, the carrot handed to me in the crowd at Trafalgar Square on Friday looked good enough to eat.

Trafalgar Square

The point? We have enough food to meet the needs of our growing global population; we simply have to manage that food better. Maybe we need to think about who "we" are. Maybe I can't send my mother's broccoli to Africa, but I can try to be more mindful of food waste. Actually, I come from an adorable family who don't waste food. Once, when my mother was in the hospital, my father made a soup out of everything in the fridge. He was so proud of that soup. It was a memorable soup.

A mosaic near the Sea of Galilee

Friday's Feeding the 5k event was the second of its kind, the first being in 2009. If you're interested in learning more, go HERE, where I got the statistics for this post. There are lots more there. Feeding the 5k is sponsored by the Mayor of London and a host of organizations including FareShare, Love Food Hate Waste, Friends of the Earth, Recycle of London and Food Cycle.

I must be off (to clean out my fridge),
Christopher

Expat Author Interview with Dan Powell

2011-11-16T00:07:00.000-08:00

Dan Powell

Dan Powell has been publishing regularly, both online and in printjournals, since 2009. His story “Half-mown Lawn” won the Yeovil Literary Prizefor short fiction in 2010. He’s currently studying for an MA in creative writingat Manchester Metropolitan University. Dan—a homedad—lives in Germany.

IMBO: Dan, welcome to I Must Be Off! I know how I would describe yourwriting, but how would you?

Dan: I would describe my work asmoving between realist and magical realist fiction, dealing with the themes oflove, family, parental-child relationships, and the loss of those things.

IMBO: How has being an expat affected what, and the way, you write?

Dan: Though in Germany I liveamongst a British community and as such have a limited experience of what it isto be an ex-pat. With Western culture being so homogenised it perhaps shouldn’tbe surprising that moving within Europe has perhaps had less impact upon methan I thought it might. However, Germany is a very family-focused society andI feel this aspect of the culture has infiltrated my work. My wife and I arevery focused on our children and a lot of my writing grows from my experiencesas a parent. We’ve had some great family holidays here in Germany and morerecently in Denmark, another country which seems to share the focus oncommunity and family.

IMBO: Let’s say you’ve just boarded a transatlantic flight. As you makeyour way to your seat, adrenaline shoots through your chest. You’ve dreamtabout this moment with this person for years. He/she is sitting in the seatnext to yours. Who is it and, assuming you get the nerve up, what will you talkabout—for nine hours?

Dan: There are quite a few authors Icould see myself talking to for nine hours. I say talking, it would more likelybe me grilling them about their work. John Irving would be one and I’d spendthe whole time talking to him about TheWorld According to Garp, the book I remember having the biggest impact onme in my late teens/early twenties. Alan Moore would probably be on a lot ofpeople’s list, but to his relief I wouldn’t want to talk Watchmen with him.Instead I’d be interested in talking about his first novel A Voice From theFire and his current work in progress Jerusalem. I just listened to a podcastinterview with him today and he always sounds like such a top chap to talk to.

To be honest it would be too hard tochoose from the list of writer’s whose brain I want to pick (Ali Smith, AmyHempel, David Mitchell - the list goes one) so I would go with the one person Iwould really want to talk to more than anyone else, my Dad. He died ten yearsago and since then I’ve gotten married, started a family and achieved somesmall success with my writing. I’d love to have nine hours to tell him allabout the last ten years and pick his brains about the tricky job of being afather.

IMBO: Care to share some of your work with us?

Dan: Ultrasounds is a trio of storiesthat grew from my direct experience. The three ideas literally came to me as Iwas watching my daughter’s ultrasound scans over the course of my wife’spregnancy. They came pretty much one on top of the other and I remember writingthem one after the other in rapid succession. The ability to see your childbefore he or she is born is a modern miracle that we pretty much take forgranted now. The magical elements of my three stories grew out of that,investing a sense of the magical back into what has become just another pieceof technology we have grown complacent about.

I like stories that mess about withstructure, and list stories are perhaps the simplest way of doing that. Things I No Longer Wish To Possessis my attempt to try and convey the lingering rawness and self-doubt thatremains after a relationship breaks down. It’s one of the few pieces of my ownthat I re-read for pleasure. To me, it feels like it was written by someoneelse.

IMBO: How about a link to a story written by another expat?

Dan: I haven’t knowingly read workby many other expat writers, though I am sure to have read plenty unwittinglyas part of my blog The Short and Long of It, which I use purely to post linksto great short fiction I find across the web. Perhaps your readers could usethe comments to direct me to some of their favourite online fiction by expatwriters which I can read and link to.

IMBO: That’s a great idea, Dan. In fact, readers are always welcome torecommend writing by (other) expat writers. Hey, you’re just an EasyJet flight awayfrom home presumably, but do you ever get homesick? Has your concept of homechanged since you’ve been an expat?

Dan: I get homesick a little, but for anidealised version of the UK. When we left the UK we were glad to be doing so,but now, five years later, we miss it in what I am sure is a rose tintedmanner. Apart from family there is little I specifically miss, beyond beingable to speak English everywhere. My German is pretty shocking for having beenhere five years now. I miss being able to get British goods easily. I missbeing able to go into a bookshop and browse; though we do have a pretty decent second hand English bookshop inthe community and having a Kindle makes up for some of what I miss. Biggestthing I miss? English Fish and Chips from a proper English Chippy.

As for a concept of home, as a childmy family moved around a lot, all across the UK, as did I in my twenties. Ihaven’t really got a strong sense of home as a result, though my wife and Iplan to find somewhere to settle for the longterm in the near future. We haveno idea where that will be at present but check back in with me in five yearsand I might have the name of a place. We’d love to get a house on the coast inDenmark which isn’t totally outside the realm of possibility as dream homes go.As it stands though, home is wherever my wife and kids are.

IMBO: Thanks, Dan, for share your life with the readers of I Must Be Off! And just to let them know: Dan Powell's "The Leaving of What's Left" is at Metazen today. Stop by and read his work.

I must be off,
Christopher

________________________________________________

Dan Powell’s work has appeared in thepages of Spilling Ink Review, Staccato, Litsnack, Neon, Metazen, The View FromHere and Dirty Bristow. He has had stories included in the charity anthologies100 Stories for Haiti and 50 Stories for Pakistan and his short story‘Half-mown Lawn’ won the 2010 Yeovil Literary Prize for short fiction.Originally from the West Midlands in the U.K., Dan calls Gütersloh, Germanyhome these days. He blogs at http://danpowellfiction.com

Free Photo Friday -- Lions

2011-11-12T11:49:00.001-08:00

Welcome to Free Photo Friday on Sunday at I Must Be Off! where cool cats don't wear blue jeans. These cats are basically naked. And free. Enjoy them, use them . . . steal them if you want. Who knows when you'll need a lion pic, right?

Why I'm drawn to lion faces, I'll never know. I'll probably never even ask myself the question. This lion, one of the many small lion statues in a park in Istanbul, kept smiling at me. What a goofy, happy lion. Like Istanbul.

The Merlion, the lion-headed fish mascot of Singapore, always looks like it's making a pizza. The fish part of the statue represents Singapore's heritage as a fishing port; the lion head commemorates Singapore's first name, Singapura--or lion city. On February 28, 2009 at about 4:26 in the afternoon, the Merlion (pictured, um, spewing) in front of the Fullerton Hotel in Singapore--was struck by lightning. He's OK now.

This is a real lion in Kenya. Or I suppose a lioness. Rarrrrrr.

Sometimes I dream about this lion staring at me. When I took this picture, people laughed at me. This often happens. Sometimes I take pictures of cow pats, and people laugh at me. Sometimes I take pictures of other people taking pictures, and people laugh at me. Sometimes I take pictures of people laughing at me.

"Oh, darling! You shouldn't have! A ring? For me? Per me?"

This lion is this prissiest lion I've seen since the lion in The Wizard of Oz. He lives in Florence and has a beautifully groomed mane. Curly. I wonder where he gets his hair done.

Did you know there were Greek Sphinxes and Egyptian Sphinxes? That the Greek Sphinxes were typically women? And the Egyptian Sphinxes were often men . . . or androsphinxes? I'm going to start calling The Sphinx in Giza the Androsphinx just to make people think I know my way around an Androsphinx.

The wall between Jewish- and Palestinian-controlled Jerusalem. Nothing to say about this one except . . . Pray for peace.

As always, the photos I share on Free Photo Friday are completely free. If you choose to use them, please share a link to my blog.

I must be off,
Christopher

Expat Author Interview with Inka Piegsa-Quischotte

2011-11-09T21:34:00.000-08:00

Inka Piegsa-Quischotte alias The Glamour Granny

Inka Piegsa-Quischotte is what you might call a‘dual’ expat. At present, she lives in Turkey and Miami, Florida. She was bornin Germany but went to university in Switzerland, the UK and Spain. She’s beentravelling her entire life – first with her parents, then on her own. Sheworked a few years in Germany as an attorney, but when her inner nomad stirredagain she went to live and work in the South of Spain and in London,simultaneously, and travelled extensively during that time on business. Inkaspeaks five languages.

______________________

"There came a time when I realised I'd been to the most exotic places in the world but had seen . . . absolutelynothing. Practically over night, I decided to give it all up and travel theworld to see."

IMBO: Inka, welcome! I always enjoy reading yourtravel articles. How did you wind up in Turkey and Miami? I also live in twoplaces, so I know the ups and downs of it.

Piegsa-Quischotte: I need the thrill of juxtapositions, butanother more mundane reason is that I hate the cold, so now I have the luxuryof being able to live in warmth and sunshine all year long. A new lifestylerequired a new place to live too, that’s why I bought a place on the Aegean Seain Turkey and another one in Miami. Two very different countries and cultureswith the added advantage that Turkey is my gateway to the East and Miami to theSouth and West.

IMBO: How did you get started writing?

Piegsa-Quischotte: I have always written short stories and theodd, very bad poem, but the more I travelled – finally with enough leisure todiscover the wonders of this world – the more I wanted to share my experienceswith others, which, in turn, led to travel writing. I haven’t abandoned fiction. Ihave written two novels, one of which won Readers’s Favorite Award 2009 in itscategory.

My writingtries to combine information with fun, humour, extraordinary stories andspellbinding places. Being in my 60s, I also want to encourage other women ofmy age, to get off their behinds and see the world. Being an armchair travelleris NO fun!! It also makes you fat.

IMBO: That’s quite a wide range. What don’t you write about?

Piegsa-Quischotte: I know, it’s all the rage and the mostsuccessful travel writers write about it, but I do not like food! That may makeme unpopular, but I don’t care. I can’t cook and have no intention of learningand if I could swallow a few pills instead of eating a meal, I would be thefirst to do so. I have better things to do with my time than to chop carrotsand on top of it, I hate putting on weight. As far as I’m concerned, eating isa necessity to stay alive and that’s as far as my interest goes.

IMBO: How has being an expat affected what, and theway, you write?

Piegsa-Quischotte: I think it hasn’t affected my way of writing atall. I have never had or felt the need for ‘roots’. I’m always happy at thefavourite place of the moment and when it ceases to attract me, I just move on.Of course, living the way I do, I have been able to experience in depth verydifferent cultures and feel confident to write about them.

IMBO: Tell us about what inspires you—not only as awriter.

Piegsa-Quischotte: Creativity, originality, curiosity. I canlisten endlessly to other people’s stories.

IMBO: Care to share some of your work with us?

Piegsa-Quischotte: I am in search of yet another country whereto pitch my tent and one of my favourite candidates is Morocco. That’s why Itravelled up and won the country and ended up in Fez which inspired this story:

Pinksaddles & Djellabas

Otherwise,my articles and also my two novels as well as a small guide book to Galicia canbe found on the portfolio page of GlamourGranny Travels.

IMBO: You’ve just published a travel guide onTurkey. What makes this travel guide different from all the others?

Piegsa-Quishotte: My guide book, Istanbul, City of the Green-eyed Beauty, is unconventional becauseit combines Istanbul sites with literature. Not your usual 'what to do andwhere to go' guide, Istanbul, City of theGreen-eyed Beauty follows three writers—Pierre Loti, Barbara Nadel andOrhan Pamuk—whose stories all play out in different locations of Istanbul, somevery off the beaten path. I thought it would be fascinating to visit the placesmentioned in their books, and whilst I was doing so I decided to write a guidebook to 'accompany' these works of literature so others could enjoy what Ifound. The 'hunt' was great fun. From the history of the brothels in Karaköy tothe cast iron church in Balat, I have included background information andanecdotes—and of course many pictures.

The title is a reference to Pierre Loti's book Aziyade which describes his love affair with a Turkish marriedwoman who lives in a harem. It is her green eyes looking out at him from behindthe bars of a serail which first seduce him.

IMBO: Ever get homesick? Has your concept of homechanged since you’ve been an expat?

Piegsa-Quischotte: I can’t get home sick because I have no realconcept of ‘home’. Home is where my heart is at the moment.

___________________________

Inka, thank you for sharing your two worlds with the readers of I Must Be Off! All the best!

I must be off!

Christopher

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Inkapiegsa-quischotte was born in Germany, went to boarding school in Switzerlandand to university in Basel, Granada (Spain) and College of Law in London. She practisedas an international attorney for 30 years in Germany, Spain and the UK. Shecurrently lives between Miami and Didim and Istanbul (Turkey).

Mermaids Tail -- Gluten-Free

2011-11-07T05:05:00.000-08:00

I always have to Google the name of this restaurant on Leicester Square in London. I would like to suggest renaming the restaurant Mermaid's Tale or simply Mermaid. First of all, all the signs for the restaurant are grammatically incorrect. There should be a possessive apostrophe between the D and S; and second, I find Mermaids Tail a bit vulgar or at least open to vulgarity. Or maybe it's just my dirty mind. Mermaid's Tale sounds more Disney.

Possibly vulgar name notwithstanding, I gave Mermaid(')s Tail a tug last time I was in London. I wanted to try their gluten-free fish and chips--my first fish and chips after six years of eating a gluten-free diet.

My first impression of the restaurant was shaky. In preparation for the 2012 Olympic Games, Leicester Square has been under construction for months. Despite the deafening construction noise, several guests were eating at the eight or ten tables outside the restaurant. It was a sunny day, but I chose to eat inside--where it was a lot quieter.

The interior is a classic, upscale British pub. Lots of wood. The menu--with steaks, ribs, fish and chips and a few vegetarian options--caters for conservative tastes. Which is fine. I like a good honest plate of food as much as I love a sophisticated one. In the end, Mermaid(')s Tail occupies an important space on Leicester Square: a British atmosphere with sort of British food.

_______________________

I was greeted warmly. In fact, friendly service was the restaurant's strongest suit.

How much would you usually pay for fish and chips? How much would you pay if you had waited six years to do it? At Mermaid(')s Tail, fish and chips will set you back around 16 pounds. That's one piece of fish, chips and mushy peas. London is expensive, but 16 pounds for fish and chips is exorbitant. Still, I was on a mission.

People with Celiac Disease in the UK like cider, and I really would have liked to drink a cider with my fish and chips. Mermaid(')s Tail doesn't offer cider. They must be the only restaurant with a bar in the UK who doesn't offer cider. I had wine for 7 pounds a glass.

The best part of the meal was the mushy peas. They were tasty. The fish was bland and the chips were, well, chips. I suppose it's the type of food you would eat when you're really hungry, maybe starving. The batter on the fish was completely tasteless. When I asked my server what kind of gluten-free flour they use to make the gluten-free batter, she had to ask the cook.

The cook relayed the message that they buy a mix, which wasn't my question, but it answered other questions. Even if you buy a gluten-free batter mix, you can still add pepper and salt--something to add flavor to a very blah affair.

Is Mermaid(')s Tail worth a visit? Certainly not for their gluten-free fish and chips. If you love fish and chips and you have Celiac Disease, you'll be disappointed by the taste; if you only mildly like fish and chips and have Celiac Disease, you'll be disappointed by the price. The restaurant is definitely worth a visit if you want friendly service in a traditional atmosphere on Leicester Square. They're also running a special right now, so you could save a few pounds on dinner.

Wait, there was more gluten-free madness at the weekend. As I was walking home from the gym, I passed The Hummingbird Bakery. Actually I went into it before I passed it just to see if they offered anything gluten-free. They did. Almost. They couldn't guarantee that the red velvet cupcake with butter cream icing was gluten-free since it was made in a kitchen where wheat flour was used, but the girl assured me they'd taken good care to make sure it wasn't contaminated with gluten. Now, the question is, was this tiny bit of goodness--it really was very small--worth 3 pounds? No. Even in its cute little box? No.

I must be off,
Christopher

Free Photo Friday -- The Colors of Autumn

2011-11-04T06:54:00.000-07:00

Fall. Autumn. The space between summer and winter. Balmy days. And Hallowe'en. Today's free photos are all taken at the time of year when the colors deepen, the temperatures drop and we all start thinking about what we want for Christmas. Hey, have a photo! Yep, you can have these. They're not much, but they're all I have--like that old woman who gave her last two coins. Sort of. If you use these photos (and please do) just make sure you tell your readers where you got them.

Happy autumn!

I must be off,
Christopher

Expat Author Interview with David Brazier

2011-11-01T04:14:00.000-07:00

Dharmavidya (David Brazier)

David Brazier lives a mobile life – about tencountries so far this year, rarely more than three weeks in one place, but hisanchor points are the Canary Islands, where his partner lives, France, where hehas a small retreat, and the UK, his home country. He writes prose and poetry.His latest – Her Mother's Eyes and Other Poems – comes out in November 2011by QUG. Most of Brazier’s writing is on spirituality, psychology and culture. Love and Its Disappointment is considered to be his most important essay onthe meaning of life so far. Brazier’s books have been translated into aroundten languages.

IMBO: David, welcome to I Must Be Off! Reading aboutyou has been fascinating. Ten countries this year. Wow. Why do you move aroundso much?

Brazier: The reason for my travelling is to teach Buddhismand Buddhist psychology, to promote inter-faith understanding, support culturalevents and simply deepen my own encounter with the big existential questions.

On the onehand, I am an internationalist, happy to put up my hammock, as it were,wherever. On the other hand, I'm definitely English and very much European. Mymother gave me a love of England and of poetry and although one can sometimestranscend one's home culture, one never throws it off.

I spentmuch of my childhood in Cyprus when it was a British colony and a verycosmopolitan place. My parents had friends who were Greek, Turkish, Armenian,Lebanese, Egyptian, and American as well as British. Coming back to spend myadolescence in UK was a shock. I felt hemmed in. I have always had itchy feet.

IMBO: And the fingers? How did you get started writing?

Brazier: When I left school I went to university, butdropped out. Dropping out was what one did in those days. I went back to do amasters degree when I was in my forties and went on to do a doctorate. While Iwas doing it my tutor asked me if I would take off his hands a book ofconference papers that.he was editing That, in due course, turned into my firstfull length book, Beyond Carl Rogers: toward a psychotherapy for the 21stcentury. I'd already done a lot of shorter pieces of writing – articles,monographs, pamphlets and so on – on Buddhism and psychology mostly. The booksold better than the publisher expected and so I was asked to write more.Writing books has become an integral part of my personal evolution.

I am aBuddhist priest, but I have the mentality of an artist. Nonetheless, I wasuseless at art at school and did not get a feel for writing either until muchlater. Interestingly, of my three children, my younger daughter is an artist(painting and sculpture) and my elder one works in the music industry.

IMBO: What inspires you?

Brazier: I enjoy gardening, walking, photography, andworking in the woods (of which there are quite a few hectare at our Frenchplace). I like reading history, geography, travel, philosophy, good fiction,and poetry as well as spiritual works from many faith traditions. I enjoysolitude but meet hundreds of people. I enjoy doing new things. Right now I'mvisiting Hawaii to give teachings to Buddhist groups and earlier today I got aninvitation to go ocean kayaking tomorrow morning early which is something I'venever done before so I'm going . I am a very poor swimmer so if I don't surviveI might not get to read this interview; however, there is some chance I mightsee a whale.

I am a freespirit and am interested in a multitude of subjects. My friend Mary Midgley(philosopher, author of about fifteen books) has “freelance philosopher” on hervisiting card and I can identify with that. I am a Buddhist priest and theleader of a religious community and so am publicly identified with that, but Iam interested in all forms of the mystical traditions and in the engagement offaith with social action. I am also interested in political and economic theoryand the current state of Europe's sovereign debt crisis intersecting withAmerica's economic problems fascinates me. I started a Facebook thread on thislatter topic and it has already attracted 96 comments and 14,000 words!

IMBO: I have to say that I’m inspired by how engaged you are in the breadth of experience in the world around you. Has this always been true?

Brazier: In Cyprus, as a child, during theindependence struggle, I had an early exposure to war as well as to culturaldiversity. Then, my parents moved frequently. My father was a civil engineer. Iwas acclimatised to moving every couple of years. This shaped my outlook. Forthe past 15 years or so I've spent part of every year in France and now I livepart time in the Canary Islands. I'm gradually getting better at speakingSpanish and starting to love delving into Spanish culture, history andliterature. I'm voracious for that sort of thing and my real limit is time todo it all. I do not feel exiled in any sense. It is much more a matter ofencompassing more of what is out there. Seeing things through the eyes ofanother culture is liberating. It makes it possible to see what one has beentaking for granted that may be questionable. It is also a mine if richresources. Many great writers from Chaucer onward started off as translatorsand although I have only done a little formal translating, I have learnt a hugeamount by seeing things through the perspective of other tongues andcultures. I am a regular visitor to India and also to Japan and Korea and thesecontrasts have openned my eyes to how limited a view one has if one neverventures outside Europe or North America.

Yet, forme, writing is also an art form. I am interested in language and words as wellas the subject matter. I started writing poetry as much in order to experimentwith language as anything and then I had a friend who was a poet. It has oftenbeen meeting particular people that has made all the difference in my life.Then I went on a solitary retreat for nine days and poems started pouring outof me, several per day. It was amazing. This spring of creativity ran on forthe next couple of years very gradually slowing down. Now I still write poetry,but not in quite such a binge. There is something about the essence of poetrythat is close to our most profound sense of the meaning of life. It isseductive, elusive, fascinating.

IMBO: OK, let’s say you’ve just boarded atransatlantic flight. As you make your way to your seat, adrenaline shootsthrough your chest. You’ve dreamt about this moment with this person for years.He/she is sitting in the seat next to yours. Who is it and, assuming you getthe nerve up, what will you talk about—for nine hours?

Brazier: Well, I do have this experience, or nearly,from time to time. When I was young Iwas terribly shy. Then my second wife (I've been married three times) took mein hand and taught me to be a social being, so now I strike up conversationswith all sorts of people. Often there is not much in it, but I have sat onplanes next to people who turned out to be writers like myself, or just veryinteresting personalities such that one gets talking and time disappears. Wetalk about books, publishing, languages, and writing, or about travel and thechallenges of being a person who is in part a misfit everywhere yet also inpart somebody who can adapt to just about anywhere, or we discuss spiritualityand existential questions and alternate between the profound and the absurd; wehave fun, exchange experience, and laugh.

IMBO: Care toshare your work with us?

Brazier: My books are informative or philosophical orpoetry. Either way they attempt to break new ground in people's thinking. My sense is that thereare two widespread consensual positions holding sway today across the domain ofpopular spirituality and popular psychology in the West, and neither isadequate. On the one hand there is a range of spiritualities and psychologiesthat are essentially self-focussed – self-assertion, self-esteem, self-worth,self-concept – a swathe of ways to love oneself. On the other hand, there is anincreasing vogue for the kind of quasi-scientific approach that recognisesnothing that cannot be measured and tries to reduce human life to a mechanism.Neither of these approaches seems to me to liberate us. My focus has, therefore,been on the nature of love and upon the importance in our lives of creativeforces over which we have limited control. This approach seems to me to do morejustice to the experience of those who are truly artistic or creative; it givessustenance to the human soul without centring everything upon the small mindednessinvolved in just getting personal needs met.

The bookthat expresses this philosophy of mine most clearly so far is Love and Its Disappointment, but it is an on-going process. In each book I am taking a newangle and, often, a new “language”, not in the literal sense but in the sensethat psychology, art, spirituality , poetics, and so on each have their ownvocabularies and modes of discourse. I'mlooking at and playing with different ways of regarding the meaning of it alland enjoying the paradoxes and limitations as well as the breakthroughs.

Cover art by E. Dickie

I'm veryexcited about being about to become a published poet. (Brazier's latest – Her Mother's Eyes and Other Poems – comes out in November 2011by QUG). Also, I have anautobiography coming out next year, and another book (on prayer) written butwaiting for some editing.

IMBO: What about another expat author or artist?

Brazier: I have a lot of respect for the work ofRichard Crookes, a calligrapher, who lives in Thailand. His work is reallyimpressive. He has done the cover designs for my new poetry book and for myautobiography that comes out next year. The painting on the front of my poetrybook was done by my daughter E. Dickie who is a very talented ex-pat living inAuckland, New Zealand.

IMBO: Ever gethomesick? Has your concept of home changed since you’ve been an expat?

Brazier: No, I never get homesick but I haveexperienced extremes of emotion when, after an interval of many years, I haverevisited places where I lived as a child. I am working up the courage to goback to Cyprus one day. I have not been there during my adult life. The southhas no doubt changed enormously with the tourist industry, but the north isprobably pretty much how it was. My concept of home is more cultural thanlocational. If I am among people with whom I share some basic assumptions Ifeel at ease, but such people are not anchored to one place.

________________________________

David, I can't tell you how interesting you have made this interview. Thank you for sharing your life and your work with the readers of I Must Be Off!

I must be off,

Christopher

_________________________________

David Brazier, PhD, is an author, poet, traveller andspiritual teacher. He is also a psychotherapist and inventor of pandramatics,an improvisational theatre method. He has eight published books and numerouschapters in other works. He has founded social, mental health and educationalprojects in a number of countries. He is a Buddhist priest and head of areligious order. He is a social and cultural critic and was listed by HuffingtonPost earlier this year as one of the dozen Buddhist commentators most worthfollowing on Twitter alongside the Dalai Lama and others.

Works byDavid Brazier:

A Guide to Psychodrama

Beyond Carl Rogers: Toward a psychotherapy forthe 21st century

Zen Therapy

The Feeling Buddha

The New Buddhism

Who Loves Dies Well

Love and Its Disappointment: The meaning oflife, therapy and art

Her Mother's Eyes & Other Poems

Autumn at Achensee

2011-10-31T01:51:00.000-07:00

I wasn't in the mood for an excursion this weekend. I was just getting over a bad cold, and I have something called a Schleimbeutel Enzündung in my left shoulder, which simply means inflammation of the bag of mucus that serves as a cushion between the bones in my shoulder and my left arm bone. It hurts. The doctor said I needed to keep it cold and keep my arm hanging down. Actually a walk around Achensee--Achen Lake in Austria--was probably not a bad idea.

Walking is a lost art for many people who live in cities where you can't walk anywhere. In Nashville, where I'm from, there aren't even sidewalks in many parts of the city. A good friend of mine, Julie Spain, still finds a way to walk several miles a day. She inspires me. I'm sure she knows how walking frees the mind. I have some of my less awful ideas while walking.

On sunny autumn days, the mountain lakes in Bavaria and Austria are overrun with families and couples and elderly hardcore walkers trying to get their last walk in before winter. Many of these people will then strap on their cross-country skis and do essentially the same thing...just a bit more quickly. This weekend was an exceptionally beautiful one, so the trails were packed with loud kids.

For a few minutes we walked behind a boy and his father playing with their shadows. The boy--six or seven?--was really getting a kick out of stomping on his father, the long dark apparition of his father on the ground of course. The father would trot ahead of the boy, making it more and more difficult for his son to catch him. At one point it was an all-out race, but the boy finally won--and stomped all over his dad. I don't take pictures of people I don't know, so the only picture of this I have is in my words.

I think--no I know--that writers need down time when we aren't trying so hard to come up with the perfect phrase or an original plot. I know that when I start walking I'm giving my mind permission to wander. I feel the same about cooking. Not long into the wandering, my mind will work out a problem in my writing, and I'll think, "Man, why didn't I think of that?" Hmmmm.

Strangely and counter-productively, my camera often inhibits the freeing of my mind. You know the adage If you want to find something, you should stop looking for it? Is that an adage? Or did I just make it up? Well. Always looking for a perfect photo motif is like always looking for that great idea. You could drive yourself crazy looking. Fortunately this weekend, since most of the fall foliage was already a brown sludge on the ground, I had lots of time to let my mind relax.

I've been thinking a lot the last few days about what inspires me and why I write. I remember last fall how reflective I was. Maybe fall is my time to re-evaluate myself as a writer. What inspires you? What frees your mind?

I must be off,
Christopher

Expat Author Interview with Foreign Flavours: a New Anthology from Writers Abroad

2011-10-24T10:25:00.000-07:00

Today's interview is with a book. I know that's odd. Books don't normally talk, but this one took time out of its busy schedule to answer my questions. And to make things even more amazing, Foreign Flavours was born today--October 24. Talk about a prodigy.

IMBO: Let's talk about talent. What exactly are you, Foreign Flavours?

Foreign Flavours: First, Christopher, thank you! I've been waiting all my life to speak to you. I'm a collection of stories written by 64 expat authors from around the world.

IMBO: All of the stories are written by expat writers? That's fascinating. What's the theme of the anthology?

Foreign Flavours: Glorious food! From exotic to simple, from moving to quirky. Fiction and creative non-fiction. I'm bursting with short, entertaining reads about food from all over the world. You might say I'm tasty. And spicy.

IMBO: I might say that. Actually, if I'm honest, FF, I've read all your stories already. I'm part of the group who made you.

Foreign Flavours: Really? That's kind of spooky. Are you my mother? Joke. So what'd you think of my stories? Give it to me straight, Christopher.

IMBO: I loved them. I'm a bit of a foodie myself, so I enjoy reading stories with exotic cuisine at the heart. I found the non-fiction incredibly informative and the fiction engaging.

Foreign Flavours: You're sweet. And adorable.

IMBO: Well, you're not the first to recognize this, but thank you. So I suppose you'd really like to be bought, right?

Foreign Flavours: Oh yes. I want to make oodles of money. But it's not for me; it's for The Book Bus. All the proceeds from me are going to The Book Bus, a registered charity whose aim it is to improve child literacy rates in Africa and South America. I'm thrilled to be able to bring the joy of reading to kids.

IMBO: That thrills me too, FF. I'm going to buy my copies tonight. Here's the link for anyone else who wants to join me. Great cause, lovely stories, polite--and oddly chatty--book. I'm not sure what could be better. If you're unable to buy the book (we all know times are tough), you could still share this post with your friends on Twitter, Facebook and Stumbleupon. Anything you do to get the word out would be appreciated. Here's the link:

Foreign Flavours: a New Anthology from Writers Abroad

I must be off,
Christopher

Robert Vaughan Reads Me!

2011-10-23T04:18:00.000-07:00

Hello, pretty IMBO reader. I've been in London this weekend without very much internet access at all, but I've found an internet cafe so that I can bring to you something I'm very proud of.

My story "The Pain Taster," which originally appeared at Marcu Speh's Kaffe in Katmandu, has now been featured on Flash Fiction Friday and read by the wonderful Robert Vaughan. Please stop by and listen to the show.

The Pain Taster at Lake Effect's Flash Fiction Friday

I must be off,
Christopher

A Year in Signs 2011

2011-10-18T11:54:00.000-07:00

I heart signs. I love the concept of a piece of metal hanging around somewhere for the sole purpose of telling me where to go, how to get there, why I should go there or why I shouldn't. Taking pictures of signs is a significant obsession of mine. Some signs are humorous, some are art, and some are humorous art. No sign rises to the niveau of art like the stop sign. It evokes so many feelings. It's a warning. It's for your own good. And as a barrier between you and the fragility of nature, it's for nature's own good as well. Stop . . . in the name of Love.

You have to Love the politeness of this sign. Have you ever seen a NO TRESPASSING sign with a "please"? I want to meet the person who added cordiality to this one and marry him. Please covers a multitude of sins, in my book. Take Get out of my face! and then Get out of my face . . . please! There's such a difference. This sign is smiling slightly---and warning you, of course, that you might have to pay 2000 Canadian dollars if you trespass.

No, this tree isn't smiling. Well, maybe it is. If it is, it's a subtle, satisfied smile. It's telling you you're on the right path. Actually, these markings--at least in Austria--are usually red and white, so this one confused me just a bit. Come to think of it, we got lost and ended up slogging through mud for a while. Hmmm. Does this sign mean "Muddy Path Ahead" to the good people of South Tyrol? Maybe it's not a contented smile after all; maybe it's one of those smiles that says smugly, "You don't know what I'm saying, do you? You no speaky my language?"

Signs that encourage group participation have always thrilled me. I'm not really a joiner, but I'd like to think I could one day be enthusiastic enough to jump in and shoot dirty with everyone. This must be a fun crowd. That said, how you interpret this sign is completely up to you (and you're Dirty mind); but I'll give you a hint: it's a movie at an independent cinema in NYC.

What is a testicle festival? I refuse to Google this because I think my interpretation of "Testicle Festival" must be more hilarious than the real thing. It would be a shame to ruin it. My version: A celebration of the testicle as the generator of life. I imagine testicle sculpture-making and balloon-tying contests. Booths selling all manner of famous testicle reproductions of yore. David, for example would be in big demand. A concert by Jerry Lee Lewis, for obvious reasons, would drive the audience nuts.

This signs says Stop Laughing, Life is not Funny, How the Hell Did you Wind up Here? There's nothing but barley fields here. Nothing here to see, folks. Turn around. Rethink. Check your GPS. Stop and ask the locals the way back to civilization. Or wait. This sign could be saying Rest a Second, Bub. Turn Your Motor Off and Listen to the barley growing. You don't have to be roaring down the road your whole life toward a goal, toward a through road. Sometimes it's nice to just sit here at a dead end--let's call it a culs-de-sac, which sounds so much nicer--and think. You don't always have to be on the right road, you know.

I think the rangers put this sign up simply to keep people from tramping all over the delicate landscape of The Badlands (South Dakota). It's much more effective than a sign reading "Danger! Eroding Soil! Will Be Gone in 500,000 Years!" People tend to be much less afraid of eroding soil than rattlesnakes, which, according to my mother, are evolving to lose their rattles (which weren't such a grand idea anyway when you think about it).

This is obviously a souvenir shop, right? It's in the town of St. Ignace on Lake Michigan where thousands of people each year catch the ferry to Mackinac Island. Do you get the joke? You do if you speak German, but for those of you who don't: Gift in German means poison in English. The German-speaking owners of this shop are having a laugh. Goodness, I hope they're not actually putting poison in their fudge.

As intelligent as "Das Gift Haus" is, the singular woman for the plural Damen is pretty sad. This sign was outside a toilet at Oktoberfest. Maybe it's a one-holer? Which reminds me of something a man said as he was coming out of the John somewhere in Montana this summer. When he opened the door, I noticed there were actually two stalls, so I said, "I wish I'd known there were two stalls." He replied, "There's three . . . counting the sink." Um, yuck? But funny. Funny guy.

Some signs are so bare in their truthfulness. Yes, the footpath to Dorf Tirol, in South Tyrol, is practically straight up. It's a workout that your legs and gluts never stop thanking you for. They're so thankful, in fact, that they don't say a word when you order a second glass of wine at the top of the mountain (which is a good two-hour walk past Dorf Tirol--immer bergauf).The word bergauf has positive connotations in German. It can mean that things are looking up--and we all know a steep path often leads you to the best view.

Stop! Wait! If you haven't read my POST on Foreign Flavours, the new Writers Abroad Anthology, please do HERE. The proceeds from the anthology go to The Book Bus, so I hope you'll buy this excellent collection of stories and articles--or share the post with friends who might.

I must be off,
Christopher

Expat Author Interview with Rose Hunter

2011-10-17T05:53:00.000-07:00

The poet Rose Hunter has lived in Puerto Vallarta,Mexico for about two and a half years now, which to Rose seems both long, andnot that long. Originally from Australia, Rose spent ten years in Torontobefore moving south of the borders. She speaks German – her mother is German –and Spanish – which she describes as a work-in-progress – but she publishesonly in English . . . for now.

IMBO:Buenos dias, Rose! I love the old town of Puerto Vallarta, as I think I’ve toldyou several times. Someday we’re going to share some guacamole and a few margaritas – but untilthen, how about telling us a bit about your writing.

Rose: Idon’t know how to describe my writing except that at the moment I’m writingmostly poetry, and it mostly comes out of my life experiences because I don’tknow how to do it any other way. I mean everything is a life experience. Idon’t understand what I think are called “writing prompts” and the like, iswhat I’m trying to say.

I’vewritten short stories and whatnot in the past (and articles, etc.) and willprobably go back to doing that as well, eventually. But I’ll always writepoetry I hope, if I can. That’s the writing I enjoy the most, and that makesthe most sense to me.

IMBO: Howhas being an expat affected what, and the way, you write?

Rose: WhereI live has an enormous influence on what I write, and the way I write. It’sabout writing, but it’s also about more than that. It’s about being happy,generally, with where I exist, and feeling simpatico with the culture aroundme. I don’t feel that in Australia for example. There are a lot of reasons forthat, and cultural differences I could get into and probably bore everyone, andmaybe offend a few people. I wrote somewhere that it’s like Australia iswritten in a code I don’t understand. I get very depressed there. There’snothing for me to write about there. That sounds dramatic, but, well, there youhave it. Whereas here there’s plenty of living, and therefore plenty ofwriting.

IMBO: Let’ssay you’ve just boarded a transatlantic flight. As you make your way to yourseat, adrenaline shoots through your chest. You’ve dreamt about this momentwith this person for years. He/she is sitting in the seat next to yours. Who isit and, assuming you get the nerve up, what will you talk about—for nine hours?

Rose: Inever know how to answer this type of question. There are lots of people ofcourse, authors or maybe spiritual teachers, etc. But I’ve probably read theirbooks and most likely they say more in those books than they would to a strangeron a plane. I think I’d prefer a chance to be thrown together with someone Iused to know. Maybe someone I can’t get up the nerve to contact again, orwouldn’t know how to find. I’d like to know what happened to certain people,and what they’re doing now. Yes. I can think of one or two people like that. Iwon’t say who, here. PS I realize I am turning down an opportunity to talk toJesus or something. Oh well.

IMBO: Noone ever says they’d like to sit next to me, but OK. Onward. Care to share someof your work with us?

Rose: Well, I’ll give you the link to the book of poems I’ve just published,which is like a long story too, in a way. Here is the info, at my blog. There arelinks to the book at Amazon on that page, as well as some blurbs, and links topoems from the book that have been published in various journals. The book iscalled A Foal Poem.

It cameabout I suppose, like my stuff usually comes about, as some kind of compulsiveurge to make sense of my experience and (in my mind) record it so it’s not lostforever. I’m sure that’s what most of my writing is about: not wanting to losethings. The attempt is futile of course, but at the beginning of a book I seemto think this time it’s going to work. I haven’t written so many books. But Icompleted another manuscript recently and I realized the same impetus must havebeen behind it, because I noticed the same disappointment, afterwards. This periodof lived time, this experience, this person, whatever it is – no, it/they, arestill lost, after you’ve finished spilling the words. This is something mostreasonable people understand I think. But I don’t think writers are reasonablepeople. I think a lot of us are, as I remember Martin Amis putting it one time,people who are “flummoxed by first principles.” At least I know I am. The word“recovery” (in the epigraph of A FoalPoem) works on a few levels, I think/hope.

A Foal Poem is coming out as an eBook shortly, but priorto that if anyone wants a free PDF copy, I’ll send it to them. Just email me: roseh400@yahoo.ca.No strings, or commentary required/expected. Just a free book.

IMBO: Wow,Rose, that’s a sweet offer. How about a link to a story written by anotherexpat?

Rose: A poemagain, for me? I like Arlene Ang’s stuff. Here’s one, in Juked (which is also one of my favourite journals). It's called
Manic car driving is not a door stop

—Gale Nelson

This poemhas so many things in it I like. A red light and a fish market, for a start. Place!Salt! And a tooth at the end…. People who know me a bit know I can get obsessedwith teeth. I also like salt, and, although I don’t drive, gas pedals andsteering wheels:

…. She knew

the steering wheel by its salt

margins, its strange salt

sweat on her hands. When did the foot

become a note, a tic that knew

….

and whatimages, right?

This was how 5 AM felt in her grip, like salt

in a footbath, a painful tooth abstraction.

IMBO: Has your concept of home changed since you’ve been an expat?

Rose: Mexico is the firstplace that’s felt like home, really. So I guess my idea about home is thatsometimes you have to look for it; you’re not necessarily born in it.

Rose, it's been very interesting catching up with you. Congratulations on A Foal Poem! I hope it's a grand success.

I must be off,
Christopher

___________________________________

Links to Rose Hunter's writing can be found at "Whoever Brought Me Here Will Have To Take Me Home." Her book of poetry, to the river, was published in 2010 Artistically Declined Press. Poems of hers have been published in such places as PANK, kill author, decomP, elimae, The Nervous Breakdown, anderbo, Juked, Metazen, The Toronto Quarterly, Bluestem, Escape Into Life, and others. She just published a new full-length poetry book, A Foal Poem. She is the editor of the poetry journal YB, and lives in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. She also keeps a photo blog at Fotos del Día.